The Most Sophisticated Piece of Technology You'll Ever Pee On (back dated)

Hey, I'm Brian. If you're reading this you're probably friends, family, curious, or something even less. You may even be my kid, I dunno. But I'm here to talk about the biggest change in my life ever.

You see, on Today's date, Kendra (my wife of three and a half wonderful years) had her first four positive pregnancy tests.

Yeah, OK, I went a little crazy. She messaged me at work because the digital camera wasn't working. I knew that she'd only use that because she'd want to share something online ASAP. And the only thing I could think of was pregnancy test. I took off work early (I had to come in latter that night anyway) and looked at it. The line was faint, but looked like it was there.

A trip to walmart & $50 latter (in my defense, only $30 of that was tests) we had 13 more tests. A few hours & a lot of whining from Kendra that she had to pee latter, she took another cheap line test. Another pregnancy line.

So, we decided to go for something a little more expensive - the Digital Clear Blue Easy. Before I go on with this story, a word from my favorite product:



However many minutes later, I went into the bathroom. Kendra was in the hall. I looked down.

These CBE tests are the coolest fucking thing ever. All the other tests you're going "Is that a line? Is it a shadow? Is it a smudge?"

Not with this. I looked down at the little LCD panel and saw the word.

"Pregnant."

I started to scream. Kendra shouted "You've got to be kidding me!" I shouted back "NO WAY! Look for yourself!"

She kinda left her mind after that. I called both my mom & dad on the landline phone and her mom on the cellphone. I told both of them at the same time.

"Kendra has something in her uterus."

My parents where kinda spazzy & excited. Her mom was somewhat happy but not screaming like mine. Kendra tried to talk to her mom but it came out very incoherent.

I really did restrain myself that day. I don't think I told more than 50 people. 60 at the worst.

The best was telling our friends Aubrey & Kathy. They where grocery shopping in the middle of Kroger when I told them. Aubrey started screaming at people "My friend is going to have a baby!"

oh man. Yeah. It's been crazy. We need a blood test to confirm this one now.

The best & crazy part is we didn't think this could happen. I've used that line so much. "I didn't think this could happen." How many times has a guy said that? Tonnes. How often has it been a good thing? Rarely. See, Kendra's been told since she was about 16-17 that natural conception is HIGHLY unlikely. But it happened and I don't think I could be happier.